...so i touched it.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
