So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
