Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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