At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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