Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
