I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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