I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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