there's paper in my vomit.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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