I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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