Do you still have your period?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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