you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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