I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Farmville is her only friend.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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