He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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