Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
