the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
