You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
