She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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