I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
