am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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