How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
