I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
