yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I want her autograph on my taint
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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