just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
