my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Randomize
