Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
