i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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