Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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