I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Randomize
