I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize