I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Randomize
