I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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