Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
