ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
