it's too hot outside to masturbate.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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