Yo dont text me then not text me
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
