so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
