i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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