So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
