I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
