felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
