My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Randomize
