i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
