my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
