my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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