All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize