You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
