But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
