Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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