Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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