The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
