I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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