the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
