The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
There are leaves in my underwear?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
