he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
