I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
