I want to make a zoo with you.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
i think i just lost a toe
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
