Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I want her autograph on my taint
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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